So, I’ll try to keep this short, but do any of you have trouble at night?
For the last few years I’ve been having hallucinations, night terrors, psychosis… I used to think that I was just really susceptible to nightmares, especially when the depression was bad. But it’s definitely more than just nightmares.
I tend to have 3 or so specific hallucination scenarios that occur, I’d say 3-4 nights a week. If you’re squeamish, perhaps stop reading now.
1: Bugs – I’ll see a mass of bugs that look like beetles, coming at me down the walls.
2: Spider type things – Similar to the bugs, they crawl toward my bed, up and down the walls. I’ll see webs and spiders all over.
3: Branches – This is the most vivid one as I feel like I hear things with it. Branches start coming toward me really quickly from the other side of the room as if it’s trying to trap me.
And last week, I had an absolutely terrifying moment where I ‘heard’ a voice whisper Shhhhh behind my head. I was the only person in my room.
They are incredibly vivid and incredibly realistic to the point that I’m jolted out of the hallucination through fear and panic and I’m terrified to fall asleep again.
I don’t ever feel like I get into that true restorative sleep and this just makes my fatigue worse. I can be up between 2 and 6 times a night. Another strange thing is that lets say I get up 5 times in the night, each time I go back to sleep, I’ll have a super intense dream (most are recurring) each time I fall asleep. Once I’m awake, I can recall pretty much everything that happened in those dreams, how I felt, EVERYTHING! And that’s 5 individual dreams that I remember. When I get up in the morning, I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions and I don’t feel rested.
At this point, my doctors aren’t sure if it’s the Lupus, the Fibromyalgia or medication. One thing I will tell you is that it’s terrifying when it happens. I can’t tell you if I’m asleep, on the cusp of sleep, awake, I just don’t know what state I’m in when it happens.
I’ve had brain scans, brain tracing, I’ve had my eyes checked, spoken to a psychologist and we’re still none the wiser.
It’s a situation where I get frightened to sleep because the hallucinating is inevitable. Perhaps I need to go to a sleep clinic!
If anyone else has a similar experience, please feel free to comment below or on the SOL Facebook page!
Thankyou for reading, Incidentally, I’m going to bed now…